T hat it was no fault of mine that I did not see you yesterday, when I came to the Palace to see you both, I will presently shew. But had I myself deliberately from choice left this duty unpaid, I should not in the least regret it. For this, this was the cause of your reproaching me in such a friendly letter. Nor should I be so greatly pleased, had I come to you and been welcomed by you with every honour, as I am now that you felt my absence enough to give me such a scolding. For while with your characteristic kindliness you give all members of our order, when they present themselves, an honourable welcome, yet it is not all of them about whom you make earnest enquiries when they are absent. In fact this is the cause of my fault, inasmuch as I should prefer you to be seriously angry with me than too ready to pardon. For your anger is the measure of your regret. But those from whom you are estranged you will neither be angry with nor miss, if you have ceased to love them. For indeed, since you and your brother, set in so great a station, surrounded by so great a multitude of all sorts and conditions of men, on whom you lavish your love, bestow on me too some portion of that love, what ought I to do, whose hopes and fortunes all on you alone are centred?1 . . . . or that I shall be able to . . . . those who are preferred to me than that I should prefer you to them. For thus I should assuredly deserve that you also should prefer them to me.
But not to defer my defence any longer, it was, as I said, no fault of mine that I did not meet you. For I returned from my gardens to Rome on March 28th at dawn, in order that I might if possible after so long an interval reach home that very day. But when I had come there, it seemed better . . . . verily I should hasten to do what? To ask Is all well? to embrace? to kiss? to have a talk? Or was it that after four months I should come to look on your tears and exhibit my own? What then did I do the next day? I did not venture to write either to your brother or to you, that I would come to you, but I wrote to your freedman Charilas to the best of my recollection in these words: Is it convenient for me to come to them to-day? Please tell me as a man of sense and a friend of mine . . . . when I went into the palace . . . . . . . . your occupations under the new circumstances . . . . . . . . . . . .2
161 A.D.
To my master.